Sweet Dreams

As I was putting my children to bed tonight, I was thinking about what a lot of parents wonder. “What is the best way to do bedtime?”

Some of our 18 children are all grown up, with families of their own. But with nine children still at home, and our youngest just four years old, bedtime is still a nightly activity.

Now, if you are looking for the perfect routine or the classic “best steps” to make a bedtime routine, I’m not the mom you’re looking for.  I actually wish I had that skill perfected…but I don’t.  

Our babies came close together. We wanted it that way.  Our sixth baby was born just two months after our oldest turned eight. Our bottom seven were born in just 11 years.  My husband works nights as a TV news anchor, so I parent solo in the evenings.

So why would I write a post without having the best answers? Because, in my early years of mothering, after getting advice from friends and family, I decided to do it my way.

I reflected on that tonight, after a busy day of covid-19 isolation. We played on a bounce house as a family, practiced our scooter tricks, had a picnic dinner, and lots of life in-between. There are just 10 of us at home now; 5 boys and three girls, and a mom and dad.

Everyone was worn out. Our 15, 12, 11, and 7 year old boys share a room with bunk beds.  They started asking me about two months ago if I wanted to come sit in their room as they fell asleep. Now it has become a habit for us.  

Tonight was especially sweet as I a sat there in the dark with them. They had prayed, and had their nightly hugs and kisses, and then I just sat across the room as they feel asleep.  Our four year old usually comes in and has me hold his hand, and asks me to sing to them.

What a sweet story this would be if I had an angel’s voice. I certainly don’t.  In fact, we had a very musical family member encourage me once NOT to sing to them because they would end up tone deaf. 

They didn’t need me in the room to actually fall asleep, but I think, with all that’s going on in the world, it just helps them feel a bit more secure.  

As they wiggled and turned, I watched and said, “I love you” a bunch of times.  Then, in the quiet, they just volunteered multiple times, “I love you mom. Thanks for a fun day.” 

And that’s how it’s been for the last couple of months. Some days don’t go as planned, and we might have had too much energy dealing with each other, or not really following the family rules exactly. And the frustration levels might have been more than I’d like. But this has become a sweet way to end the day.

Tonight I wept as I just sat and watched the moonlight come through the window blinds, just enough to see the outlines of their bodies on their beds. They aren’t babies any more. They are growing into young men. Only a handful of years until college, jobs, and adult life.  

So tonight, with tears spilling onto my cheeks, I thought of our older sons and daughters who have moved on, and are too grown up to have their mom sit in their room while they fall asleep.  

I love being a mother.

I rocked my babies way past the age of teaching them to self-sooth. Their bedtime routine was gathering in our, thankfully, king size bed. Me singing in my non-singing voice, and nursing the baby. And everyone snuggling like a litter of puppies.

It’s Bob’s job, when he comes home at night, to carry each one to their own beds. Most of them as toddlers would ask to sleep with an older brother or sister.

It sounds perfect. But indeed, there were nights when one of them would start laughing, and then they’d all start laughing, and then the nursing baby would wake up, and we’d have to start all over again. It’s too bad my song collection hasn’t changed through the years, and my voice hasn’t either. But I think it’s working out okay.  Yes, there were nights when I wished our bedtimes looked like the movies, or instagram posts, but I have never quite figured that out.

What I have wanted was for them to feel loved, and a close connection to me, as I hold and rock them, or snuggled with them wrapped around me in the bed.

You may think I spoil them. And that’s okay. You may be right.

But I’ve come to realize that loving and cuddling is NEVER bad. Those sweet and tender moments are when little ones and big ones internalize that they are loved; that they are safe, and that everything is alright.

I guess what this is really about is not having to do it anybody else’s way except yours.

If you want a stricter bedtime routine you can do that. If you want to spend the evening snuggling and singing, do that. You are the parent.

After a stressful day, I love to share those tender moments rubbing their backs, singing songs, holding their hands. And it’s funny, even the big, rough, tough, and successful boys love a back scratch as they’re falling asleep.

Moms and dads, love your children. Help them to feel safe.  You have them for such a short time.  They grow so very fast. Hold them. Rock them.  Say “I love you.”  They are such a sweet blessing in your life.